Life episode: Say clearly


Martin Luther said, “You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say”

When I read this quotation I cannot agree more. One day I had a chance to hear a story about some unhappy marriages. Most of them started their stories from a very small thing in their life. It was so true when my friends said, “We like to collect small problem everyday and at the end we do have a big problem”

We could imagine if it has been years … and years. It becomes a huge problem. And no one could handle it anymore.

Once I asked, “Have you ever say to your spouse about what you want … what you wish to have in life… what is your value of life?”

Most of the answers were, “It just wasted our time. Our husband would not listen and they didn’t care. Silent is golden. We were tired to argue … and argue and nothing changed”

I used to be like that. At certain stage of my marriage life, I decided I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t want to talk or to discuss about the problem. It was not a good choice in marriage life. Communication is important in any relationship. And I just tried to say clearly. The result didn’t come as expected but it was okay.

I think we all have the right to say clearly the value of our life and let other to respect it.

I quoted from the book “A happy married life A Buddhist Perspective” by Ven. Dr. K.  Sri Dhammananda
“A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. A marriage is a partnership of equality, gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication. Each is complementary to the other; giving strength and moral courage to each other; supporting and appreciating the other in caring and providing for the family.”

If we have the responsibility for what we say and also for what we don’t say; why don’t we say clearly about the value of our life to our spouse.

As Epictetus said, “ First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do”

Happiness in marriage could be reached if we do what we have to do.

**Lina Kartasasmita**Jakarta, May 11, 2013 at 11.04PM 

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