Suffering and tired

On that day, my mom said, “ I want to take a shower” The fact is that she could not sit properly anymore. It was not a joke. Some images came into my mind. There was a movie  “Patch Adam” about a doctor who would do anything to make his patient happy. So I asked  my mom, “ Do you really want to get a shower? “ Instantly she said, “ Yes. Is that difficult for you?” It was a big challenge. I said, “As you wish, mom. I will make it happen for you”

I prepared a wheelchair and covered it with plastic, then I asked my husband, my daughter and my assistant to help me lift my mom from her bed. We put her in the wheelchair then brought her to the bathroom. My daughter and I gave my mom a bath.  She was in pain but she had the biggest smile on her face that day. She was so happy after almost two months lying in her bed without getting a real shower. 

I cried … I cried in my heart. I was so happy to see the hard work that we did. My mom can go anytime … but I am grateful I can serve her well. What I miss right now, is maybe my life itself. I cannot do my daily activities like before, but there is always a right time for everything. I just need to accept the condition and be grateful that I still have the opportunity to enjoy this time. 

Some friends asked me, “How do you handle this situation?”  
If life is a choice, I choose the right thing to do while my mom still has her time. 
I miss to write in this blog for many months, but seeing my mom is getting worse and worse hurts my heart. My blog can wait. My mom cannot. 
Cancer has stolen her life quality. Life is not too short for my mom and also we don’t know how long she can stand in this condition. 

Let’s be honest! My mom is suffering because she cannot move around; she is in pain almost all the time. She is also tired to be in bed for many months, I am tired and suffering too to see her in that condition. How I can cope to deal with this situation for almost a year? I keep telling myself to pay back what my mom has done for me. Do you think it is easy? It is definitely not easy at all. 

Spending time with my mom makes me think a lot about life. Life is so short that we need to cherish every moment. How many times we forget to enjoy the moment because we let our minds  wonder around,  going back and forth between the past and future. It builds anxiety when we need to pass our life daily. Something that we also forget to really appreciate the time that we have, when we were young we thought we had a lot of time, but time went faster than we thought. The only thing that makes me stronger … is the mindset that I don’t want any regret in my life. By serving my mom daily and taking care of her, I get to do what I always wanted to do for her.

Mother Teresa said, 
“Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home “

Jakarta, July 9, 2020 at. 11.36AM 
Lina Kartasasmita

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